


Is your father Little Caesar? Cause you look Hot 'n Ready.

by drowninginspace



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, Really Bad Pick Up Lines, Slow Burn, Sort of? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowninginspace/pseuds/drowninginspace
Summary: One night, working the late shift in Bravo Cafe, Ray Person is blessed with the presence of Nate Fick.  Hyped up on too much coffee, he decides to flirt with Nate, cause you don't let someone like that just get away from you.  While he doesn't end up making out with Nate, it does start the wonderful tradition of serenading him everyday with cheesy pick up lines, so really, he's counting it as a win.





	Is your father Little Caesar? Cause you look Hot 'n Ready.

This is how it starts. Ray’s working a late night shift at a cafe off campus, near enough so you get get to class on time but far enough from Harvard that there’s not much of a rush. It’s a slow shift, but to be expected. You can’t expect much from these academics types, especially at 2 am. Yes, he was one himself but he wasn’t truly one homes, really. He went to the college, that was all. He wouldn’t start wearing hipster sunglasses and preaching about the evils of war, that was way to gay for his taste. Not that he could have anyway. His daily gayness quota was in constant use everyday, checking out the fine asses that God had given these nerds, and he didn’t have enough leftover to spare on looking the part of the gayass liberal.

Either way, the night was going to get a whole lot more fun. Taking advantage of the fact that no other than a family with a crying baby and an old grandma were present, he proceeded to make multiple cups of coffee and draw designs in the foam. The first was a really messed up sun/flower/circle that tasted really good. The second cup was a heart, but that was too boring. Channeling his frustrations at the crying baby, it ended up with an FU in the middle. He promptly drank that, the coffee burning his throat, before his manager saw and lectured him on the merits of being polite and sympathetic to the plights of others. He didn’t necessarily need the third cup, but the pull to create fishies in the foam was way too tempting. And once he made it, he had to drink it.

He was just about to start making another cup, this time one with a dead smiley, when Mr. World walked through the doors, laptop in hand and determined look on his face. Maybe it was the three cups of caffeine, maybe it was the late night, maybe it was how good his bubble butt looked in those jeans. Whatever it was, Ray felt the need to go up to the the man, whose name was Nate and was currently waiting patiently for his skinny vanilla latte, and proclaim his ever dying love for him.

The problem with that however, was that it was now 3 am and people usually didn’t except love proposals from random strangers.

Still, something had to be done. This greek god of a man could not simply finish his work and be gone, not knowing that he had the fabulous Ray Person’s every eternal adoration. No, that was not possible.

Bringing him his order, Ray did the next next best thing he could think off, a heartfelt declaration of love obviously out of the question.

“Do you work at Starbucks,” he began, eyes meeting Nate’s and noticing there were flecks of gold in those green orbs. “Because I like you a latte.”  
His work done, he waited, with raised brows to see the guy’s reaction. If it went well, he’d get some of that sweet ass. If it didn’t, he could blame it on the caffeine, apologize a lot and promise free coffee. If that didn’t work, he could always move to Alaska.

As it turned out, he didn’t need to move to Alaska anytime in the near future (thank fuck, his balls would freeze off in those temperatures and that wouldn’t do anybody any good at all.) Mr. I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt tilted his head, looking confused for a second. Then, understanding what Ray was subtly trying to tell him smiled and said, “No, I don’t. I prefer the bookstore down the street. And I’m not interested in dating right now, my life’s too hectic with midterms coming up, but I could always use the company.”

It was a put down and a disappointing one at that but at least he wasn’t judging and besides, Ray was never one to turn down an offer to pour out his heart and soul to a willing audience. Pulling the chair out next to him, they started to talk about their classes and majors, commiserating over the hell that was Professor Schwetje’s class (“He’s still a bastard?” “You only had his last semester, it’s not like he gained any brain cells in that period of time.” “He’s on my hit list for the rest of his life, that’s all I know. Making us do a paper in 4 days and not grading it should be punishable by death.” “Lucky you! We got 2 and a half days.” “A half?” “ It was due at 2:13 am on a Wednesday night.” “Sometimes, I wonder if this guy’s even real.)

At first Nate came sporadically, maybe once or twice a week. Then it was every other day, ordering a skinny vanilla latte and sitting at the table furthest from the door yet closest to the counter. Finally, he was there all the time, sometimes during the day and sometimes during the night. The one thing that stayed the same was his fingers typing away, the two of them participating in a mixture of comforting silence and warm chatter and Ray interjecting with a cheesy pick up line. It didn’t matter how, or when or why, it just had to be done. Every day, Ray spent most of his free time thinking/googling up good ones and every time, Nate would laugh or shake his head, making Ray’s heart do weird flippy stuff that should not be happening. He was only in this for a fun time, no need to complicate shit in an already very confusing world. It didn’t matter that he was reading books that Nate had recommended from his greek literature class or he wanted to invite Nate to see his band. That was what friends did, and over the past two months, Nate and Ray had definitely became friends. But when Ray said his lines and Nate looked at him, it felt like it could go a lot farther, only if they’d let it and fucking hell if he didn’t know how to deal with that.

Regardless, he had a new pick up line ready everyday and Nate never failed to delight in his response.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Nate,” Ray started, handing him his usual order. “I’m been wanting to ask you something for a while but didn’t know if you’d mind.”

Distracted in his writing, Nate failed to notice the glint in his eyes, signaling that something was about to happen, very soon.

A mask of complete seriousness on his face, Ray began. “Did you sit on a pile of sugar?”

Looking at Nate’s flabbergasted expression, Ray elaborated, observing his face to see his reaction. “You know, cause you have a pretty sweet ass. It’s adorable and never change the size of your jeans.”

Settling back in his chair, Nate rolled his eyes and started on his work again, the large smile that had appeared earlier refusing to leave. “I’ll have you know that I would never waste food like that, sugar or otherwise,” he informed Ray. “Why use it all to cover my butt when it can be turned into a perfectly good cake.”

Shaking his head, Ray went back to the counter and said the first appropriate and child friendly thought that was on his mind.

“I don’t know if I should be impressed or a bit weirded out that you know a) how much sugar it takes to cover your ass and b) that the first thing you thought of was that you can make a cake instead.”

“Sweet dreams Ray!” Nate called out, louder than was necessary. “Sweet dreams.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you know what my shirt’s made out of ?” Ray asked, sliding up behind Ray and watching his fingers top typing (wow, they’re really pretty. Like, really really pretty. He should dream about them instead, that way it’s less gay.) 

He was taken out of his daydreams when Nate suddenly got up from his chair and whirled around, taking him by the shoulders and gripping them hard. “Ray,” he warned. “I have a younger sister and I’ve been subjected to more Ryan Gosling than I would like. So, please, I beg of you, have some mercy on me and-”

“It’s made out of…” Pausing for dramatic effect, he let Nate come even closer, the (hopefully mock) aggression radiating off of him making him this much more fun.

Bringing his mouth to Nate’s ear, he stage whispered the last bit, “boyfriend material.” Giggling, he went to take a customer’s order, Nate’s moans and groans of pain following him.

“This was the final straw! Our friendship is over. I can’t have someone like you in my life, it’s a constant strain to my mental health.”

“You’ll come crawling back in a few days. Everybody’s got to have a bit of Ray-Ray in their life.”

“I will admit that is true, albeit grudgingly.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is your daddy a baker?”

“...” 

“Cause you’ve got some nice buns!”

“I fear for the state of our nation.”

“With buns like that, the world could end and I’d be fine as long as I could look at them.”

“When did my life become this?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

“...” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late, Nate was concentrating on a paper due tomorrow and he needed lightening up, so Ray decided to unleash one of the strongest weapons in his arsenal. He’d been saving it for a while, but today seemed to be the day it would be used.

“Hey. Nate, Nate, Nate. Natey Nate Nathaniel. Natey my matey. N dawg. Na-”

“Yes Ray?” He didn’t sound irritated but there was definitely a tiered quality to his voice, one that made Ray the slightest bit guilty for bothering him. He knew how Schwetje was picking on Nate especially and having suffered that particular hell himself, he could sympathize. The dark eye circles and jittery hands didn’t suit him and he was *this* close to storming into that demon’s office. Thankfully, Ray’s inner mother hen told him that what he was about to do next would make Nate feel just a tiny bit better.

“I was wondering if you happened to run an orphanage in your spare time, because I really feel the need to give you children.”

Cracking a smile and rubbing his eyes blearily, he retorted, “I appreciate the sentiment but that isn’t scientifically possible.”

Raising his eyebrows, Ray shot back. “Who said they were mine?”

“If you’re a member of the criminal underworld, I want no part in it. All this work will go to waste if I’m arrested as your accomplice.” He was serious and firm while saying this but the little wrinkle in his forehead gave away the fact that he was trying to hide a smile.

“We could always pin it all on Schwetje. He’s stupid enough to incriminate himself.” 

“Ray…”

“Just saying.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another good attempt was made at 8 am, on a cool April day when Walt just happened to be there. Now, Walt was an amazing friend and you couldn’t help but to love that corn fed, Virginian, hick farmer but there were times that Ray wanted to do nothing more than to give him a whack on his head. Or strangle him. Or hit him on the head with a frying pan, like in Tangled. Either one was fine.

Ok, yes, their game might seem retarded to other people, but that didn’t mean it had to go down the way it did.

“Hey, that guy in the corner keeps glancing at you,” Walt informed him, bringing dirty dishes to the kitchen. “I can check to see if he’s going to jump you when your shift’s over but he doesn’t seem like the type.”  
“No need, my beautiful Sunshine child,” Ray grinned. “He’s a friend of mine and eagerly waiting for me to start talking.”

“That’s a first,” Walt said absently, focusing more on the group of girls passing by than what Ray was saying. “Usually they’re eagerly waiting for you to shut the fuck up.”

“I will have you know that it’s beneficial to everyone involved. I get to flirt with him and he gets to take his head out of his books and laugh every once in a blue moon,” he argued. Ray could have added more but he had a very good sense of timing (no, really) and his Natey Nate Radar was telling him now was the perfect time to say the line.

“What about those around you? What have they ever done, to deserve being a witness to your flirting?”

“Watch and learn, young Hasser,” Ray informed him, putting a muffin on a tray. “Watch and learn.”

“Letting you know right now, I’m recording this so Brad can see it later on.”

“Brad wishes he had my social skills,” he scoffed, careful not to spill the coffee he had added on the tray. Presentation was everything and he wasn’t in the mood to fall flat on his ass, with both Nate and later on, Brad, watching. “He could learn a thing or two from the master.”

“Hear that Brad,” Walt whispered as they neared Nate, “Ray thinks you need to learn something about life from him.”

Rolling his eyes and anticipating a future Iceman Glare™, Ray placed the tray on the table with a flourish and exclaimed, “For the amazing Nate Fick, on this day when he seemed to need a picker upper. And now, I shall present you with your daily pick up line.”

Smiling, Nate closed his books and took off his reading glasses. “You’re usually a bit more subtle than that,” he stated, leaning back against the chair.

“Never say I’m predictable, “ he said smugly, clearing his throat. “So, uh, Nate. I was wondering, do you live in a corn field?” Pausing for a moment, to let them guess how it would end, he continued. “Because I feel the need to stalk you.”

The moment would have been perfect, really. Nate cracking a small smile, slowly pushing his hands through his hair, looking deep into his eyes.

The only problem was the wheezing, coming from Walt, who had apparently fallen down and was currently choking/laughing. They could have ignored it and continued being the only thing in each other’s world but Walt just had to choose that moment to start blathering about how Brad would love this, and how he truly was the master, and this was the best thing he’d ever witnessed.

Which, in turn, meant that we was attracting attention from people all around the cafe. Unless he wanted to explain to their lovely manager, Poke, why the cafe was now a meme, they had to get Walt back to normal.

This thought must have occurred in Nate’s mind too, because he got up and moved towards Walt, motioning for Ray to help him. 

The confusion on his face must have shown, because he explained, “I can always finish History later. Can’t have you out of a job because your friend thinks you’re a riot. Besides, who else is going to brighten up my day, bad flirting and all?”

Grinning from ear to ear, Ray picked up Walt legs ( a bit harder than was necessary) and brought him to the kitchen. He struggled a bit and complained but a glare from him was enough to quiet him for the time being. Nate had all but admitted that he liked Ray (good thing too, because he’d hate to be the only one in this relationship who went from thinking the other was hot to wanting to cuddle with them) and nothing was going to bring down his mood today.

He didn’t know it at the time but his mood would deflate just the teeniest bit about 8 hours after the whole fiasco occurred. The video Walt sent him and the voicemail of Brad laughing for 5 minutes straight without taking a breath was enough to drive even a nun crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah, that’s how the next two months went. More and more meaningful contact between the horrible pickup lines and wondering what would happen once vacation began. Ray wasn’t sure about Nate but he’d have to go back home, to take a break from his fellow college students and to show his mother that he hadn’t been murdered yet. It was a bit depressing. Because let’s be real, who else but Nate would allow him to serenade them with flirting on a daily basis as a form of friendship. No one, not even Brad. But yeah, they still had a bunch of time left, so Ray was going to milk it for all it was worth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I was blinded by your beauty... I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

“Is laying down on top of my table and on my papers an important part of this or was it because I was paying less attention to you than usual?”

“I never kiss and tell, Nate.”

“How does that make sense in this context?”

“Shhhhhh.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You haven't said your line today. Ran out of ideas?”

“No, it’s just that you're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.”

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

“College can’t teach you everything, Professor Fick. You have to go out in the world and learn for yourself.”

“Is that where you picked up all this talent for flirting from?”

“What did I say about kissing and telling?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!”

“I don’t know this man, I swear.”

“That’s not what you said last night, sweetie.”

“You were hyped up on caffeine, how would you remember what I said?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth!”

“You’re scaring me.”

“That’s how every great romance starts, my dude.”

“What romance novels have you been reading?”

“Must we invade my privacy?”

“... I have no words.”

“You have words right now. You just said them.”

“...”

“See, that’s what no words is, you got it right this ti- Ow! That book was hard. No wonder all the kids are midgets. Carrying these around 24/7! It could seriously stunt your growth Nathaniel.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ok, this one is good. You ready?”

“Hit me up.”

“Your body is 65% water and I'm thirsty.”

“I have some orange juice right here that’s sure to energize you right away.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Would you like this Red Bull instead?”

“I should say no but I need caffeine and Poke won’t give me any. Hand it over.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U.”

“Once again, orange juice has all the vitamins you could ever need, so-”

“Alright, alright, I’m leaving. I can see when I’m not wanted.”

“Can you?”

“Stop, you’re making me blush.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is your car battery dead? Because I'd like to jump you.”

“Really? In front of the children?”

“I can’t help it if an angel is sitting right here!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!”

“I’m very disturbed right now.”

“What if I told you-”

“Nope, I’m leaving. See you tomorrow.”

“Love you too snookums!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Hold on, I need to show you what Schwetje wrote on my paper, you won’t believe the stupidity.”

“Sorry, I can’t. I’ve already fallen for you.”

‘I might or might not have lost a few brain cells.”

“Still have more than Schwetje.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be McGorgeous.”

“Please, no more McDonalds. My heart can’t take it.”

“Your wish is my command McGorgeous.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I want you to know that this isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a love machine.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a great time and if Ray was being honest, some of the best fun he’d had all year. Nevermind that he chose the library over frat parties. It still counted. So it was perfectly reasonable to be mopey when Nate came in for the late time before driving home, bags all packed and car ready.

“No pick up line for me today?” Nate questioned, quietly blowing on his coffee to cool it down.

“Naw homes,” Ray answered with a shake of his head. “Come around again after vacation, though. I’ll have something for you by then.” It was a blatant attempt to keep seeing him again and Ray refused to be ashamed by it. Texting was fine and all but seeing Nate’s squishy sunshine baby face in person (Ha!) was something else entirely. 

“Well, it’s your lucky day then, because I have one of my one.” Clearing his throat and going down on his knee, Nate looked up and stared deeply into his eyes. The air around them suddenly got thicker with unsaid intimacy, probably helped by the fact that no one else was in the cafe but them. Still, he’d treasure the next words that came out of Nate’s mouth for the rest of their lives (make fun of it too but that was a whole separate story.)

“I have a bucket of fried chicken and I wanted to know if you wanna get greasy with me.”

For a second, Ray was speechless, staring at Nate and processing what was just said. Then-  
“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“That was worst than everything I came up with, combined.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I would.”

“Well, I have to drive down to Maryland but call me soon, ok? Can’t go long without hearing your voice.” Getting up and winking, he made his way to the door.

He was 2 seconds away from leaving and if Ray didn’t ask him right now, they’d be having this conversation over the phone. That was a horror in and of itself.

“Wait, so, uh, is that a date or ?” He winced at how awkward that sounded but it wasn’t like he hadn’t made a fool out of himself in front of Nate before.

“I guess I should have made that a bit clearer for your pea brain,” he said with a laugh. “Ray, I really like you and I think we both know by now that the other isn’t a serial killer, so would you like to go out with me sometime?”

“You know, you could have straight up asked me to be your boyfriend and I would have said yes.” Ray commented, trying to seem cool and collected when all he wanted to do was have a little scream fest. Or do a victory dance. Neither of which was appropriate right now.

“Well, I didn’t want to risk a possible rejection, so slow and steady it is.”

“I flirted with you the entire year, why would I reject that sweet ass.”

“In my defense, the first time I met you, you were hyped up on caffeine and the rest were said jokingly.”

“Alright, get in your car and drive home. I have to think up something that’ll top your line.”

“In your dreams.”

“Nate, are you trying to end this relationship 3 minutes into it’s beginning?”

“Well, the start was technically a few months ago. We just got to this stage at this moment, so-”

“Go, before I have to call life alert.”

“Do I even want to ask why?”

“Cause I’ve fallen for your nerd self and I can’t get up.”

“I’m choosing between kissing you or slapping you right now.”

“I’d prefer the kiss. And hey, look! No one's here! What a coincidence. We have this entire place to ourselves, full of privacy and-”

“I guess my mom won’t be that annoyed if I’m a few minutes late.”

“That’s the spirit! Now come over here and- mmmmmm.”


End file.
